I grew up with a theology that was borderline legalistic; I felt like my value was based on my performance. God is continuously showing me His love for me and inviting me into a deeper relationship with Him. However, because of my history of sticking to the rules, I find it difficult to overcome my struggles through pure resolve. I am learning that there is a difference between forcing myself to do something and surrendering my will to the will of God. At Urbana [a triennial missions conference], I was challenged to go beyond simply making new year’s resolutions and actually allow God to dramatically change my life. This year, I want to lay down my selfishness and fully seek the will of God.